利用者:MaplesHamer776
I was molested growing up. Several times. By two different babysitters, (I had been 4 and 6) and twice by relatives members. (Once after i was 7, and I'll talk much more about that certain later since it had probably the most devastating impact on my psyche, and once when I was twelve) I'm now admitting and covering this because they events affected my entire life growing up. These experiences also were built with a profound impact on the way i viewed my own worth as a human being.
When you're four years old, and you're simply molested, the experience is much more of a sensational curiosity for you. You've got no real concept that what's being done is wrong, with the exception that it simply feels wrong but for the secrecy for the perpetrator. He or she acts secretive. So that is what gives you, the victim, the sense that it's wrong. Guilt ensues. When you're six years old, when you still have the sense it must be kept secret, you have a feeling of your sexuality. Additionally you begin to sense this type of activity will "get" you attention.
In my article "When Did I Learn My own Worth?" - If we as individuals learn from an early age our feelings don't matter, that our "needs" aren't met nor could they be a priority, and we get "lost within the crowd" of other siblings, we form beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs instill in us that people are unimportant. That we don't really matter. At least very little. Even our concept of our very own personal safety may be in question.
After i was seven years of age, my parents left me and my little sister in the care of some older teenage cousins while they and my aunt and uncle went. Very late, among my older male cousins came to my sleeping bag and also got me up and over to the couch. He was 13 years old and basically "went through the motions" of a sexual act with me. This was probably the most detailed I'd have you been molested, even though I had no clue what he was doing, I definitely felt that whatever it had been, was wrong! But in my experience, that wasn't the worst part. As he was finished, he put me to bed and leaned down, kissed me on my cheek and quietly said "Pray to God to forgive us!" I felt such as the sky had fallen in! At this moment, the guilt I felt made me feel like the worst individual who ever lived!
That single event caused me to think that I was very "bad" and in all likelihood didn't deserve to be loved by anyone! I felt shame, guilt and that I had the "wrath of God" on me for the following 48 years! Obviously, I became very promiscuous during my teenage years because I felt so worthless like a human being, that to be able to feel any value whatsoever, I had to complete what boys wanted me to complete.
However, a few years ago, I experienced the biggest emotional breakthrough of my entire life. I'd a very kind person work with me while using art of NLP that included some specific NLP processes. I found that behind every behavior there is a positive intention - certainly not a suitable intention, but positive to the person doing the behavior. What "was in it" for people who molested me? Not immediately being able to ask them outright all I can do is think that either these were molested themselves and they felt this behavior was "normal", or they needed to feel "loved" in certain perverted way and chose me to assist them to do that. Can I forgive them for this? I can now. It could have been much worse for me personally. They might have killed me and threw me in a hole somewhere but didn't. So for your Thx. I have my life.
In reality, that kind of behavior perpetrated on a victim, either randomly or perhaps a specifically chosen victim while he or she is "convenient", may take years, a lifetime to beat the hurtful effects.
It comes to this: Whenever a person "molests" another, and also the word "molest" is too kind of a word, he or she takes something that is easily the most precious to the victim. Their dignity is stripped from their store - against their will - by having their most personal, private parts employed for the perpetrator's own selfish gratification. The result is the victim's feeling of personal value, his or her very worth as a individual is stolen in such a careless, ruthless manner. The victim then needs to redefine his or her "self" and also the world around them in the future. One of two things sometimes happens: Either they eventually go "in search" of love, which can be an artificial love through multiple unsatisfying sex partners, or they become so introverted from fear of this indignity being perpetrated on them again they often have difficulty trusting another person or allowing themselves to invest in any kind of relationship.
However the victim also has another choice: The choice to not REMAIN a victim!
She or he had the traumatic experience or experiences forced in it by being taken advantage of by another person or persons who were mentally or emotionally not capable of finding love, feeling loved or showing love. They're essentially handicapped in this manner, "hobbling" around like they are crippled, which they are. People who force their will on others have many more "issues" than sexually assaulting another. Did I "ask" for those experiences to happen during my life? Absolutely not! Did I do something to give these persons reason to consider I "wanted" it to happen? Definitely not! Was it my fault? A resounding absolutely not! Where are these folks today? One is divorced from his wife, in his 60's and seeking to "find himself", living a very lonely life. The other is lying inside a hospital bed, dealing with drug addiction along with other health problems resulting from an existence long use of drugs and alcohol. I however, am left standing, happy, productive, and also have lots of people who love and take care of me! The babysitters? I have no idea.